Thursday, December 22, 2011

2011? i request a do-over.

this year? this year was kind of shit. it hurt the people i love and it hurt me. Life, you kind of screwed this one up. and the one song that got me through your clear fuck-up was florence: "shake it out". this song was my mantra for the past several months. i would listen to it at full volume dancing on the elevator at work. i would listen to it at full volume while biking home at 3 am, drunk, after seeing the friends i love most. i would listen to it quietly at 3 am, while i tried not to cry at the injustice of all of this drama that so many of us have been going through. but mostly i would listen to it and think of all of the people and circumstances that have walked ALL OVER ME this year. if i hear the phrase, "i know things are bad right now, but please don't get me involved" one more time, things will get drastic around these parts.

goddamn, if i don't love and care for everyone who has come into my life. i have one consistent quality to me, and that's passion. i passionately love and am loyal to anyone who i bring into my life. therefore, i am passionately undone by so many people who just take it all for granted.

so, at year's end, i am reflecting. and yes, florence plays loud in my ears. and what have i learned from florence at the end of this year?

  • every demon wants his pound of flesh, but goddammit, i am going to keep some things to myself.
  • yes, i have been a damn fool, and, yes, i have been blind. and yes, i can never leave the past behind.
  • but to be clear, i know that i am always dragging that horse around. but tonight, my loves, tonight i am going to bury that damn horse in the ground.
  • because, now? now, i'm going to dance. because I am done with my graceless heart. and I'm most certainly done with all of these devils on my back. tonight, my loves, i'm going to shake you all off.
for now, today, all of these battles are done. the heartbreak i have suffered and i have witnessed in the people i love ~ it's done. we are good, damn loyal people. so, we're going to start next year a-new. all of us. but this is it life - the next move is yours.