um, you'll have to excuse my unplanned 5+ month hiatus. i generally write a rambling post once per month, rarely with any direction, just an unloading of all of the silly things in my head. then, this summer happened. and, ohboywasiteverasummer. it was the best summer of our lives and it passed in the blink of an eye. looking back, it feels like we were racing through time in some sort of sci-fi warp speed. there was endless laughter, dancing, spinning, silly adventures, travel and just so much love this summer. and somewhere during all of that, i stopped writing.
then september came, and it was like a slap in the face. september 2013: you will be forever remembered as a month of sadness, agonizing challenges and altogethertoomuchbullshitatonce. i am glad that you are gone and hope never to see you again. but you were also a month of strength that we didn't know we possessed, and a solid reminder that we are tremendously lucky to have such amazing people in our lives. i keep whispering this to myself in dark moments: meg: stop and breathe. you are lucky. but these mantras, they do so little when you really need them. they do no more than feed the insecurity and helplessness and mania that one feels when everyone around her is falling apart. it was in these moments that i wished i had found the energy to write again. but i didn't. instead, i sought the company of wine, insomnia and pasta for breakfast. as such, my jeans stopped fitting, my face broke out and i had no patience for anyone or anything. i became the version of meg that i hate.
then, thankfully, almost like clockwork, the minute that september left and october came racing in, that stupid door leading to heartbreak and frustration closed swiftly and another, much gentler door opened. almost a moment too late: i had just about run out of ways to say i'm sorry to the people i love.
it is here, in this slower-paced dreamy Fall October state, that i am convinced the next adventure will begin. late last night, i was named the new executive director of the tiny non-profit that i work at. (me. the boss. of people. it's... too much to really process yet). After all of september's distress, i am going to take this incredible opportunity and build something amazing.
as such, this post really serves as a sort of placeholder to something more concrete. i will be back soon, i am ready to write again.
* listening to: atlas genius ~ trojans